Wash away the pain, and give me back control.

I never thought I was a jealous person. I am usually pretty good at congratulating, and being happy for other people, whatever the circumstance. I have always been happy with what I have/don't have. I don't consider myself very materialistic, either. I like to have nice things, but they are not important in the grand scheme of things. I am generally glad to be happy and healthy. I have an amazing husband, good friends and loving family. I am very blessed.

But today, I feel the exact opposite of those things. I am having a hard time being happy for people, who have what I don't have. I feel like snapping over the smallest of things. I really only want one thing right now and lots of people I know are blessed with it - but not me. I'm feeling sorry for myself and I hate this feeling. I would love to just go back to bed for the day, hopefully wake up tomorrow with a better perspective. But, of course, I have to go to work in half an hour.

Paul got a new phone this morning - the new Blackberry Torch. He's wanted it since he heard about it months ago, and it was actually all he wanted for his birthday. I'm happy that he's happy with it. But I'm jealous that he has a new, shiny phone. My Blackberry is still "new", I've only had it a few months. I love my phone. But out of nowhere, now I have this feeling of wanting a new phone? I don't get it. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to be that kind of person.

Now, I'm in a bad mood. I tried to change this by taking the dogs for a walk, but since I haven't been walking them every day recently, they didn't behave very well, which put me in a worse mood. I know it's my fault for not walking them every day, and I plan on changing that starting today. At least they are tired out now, and snoozing on the couch. At least they can always make me smile, even when they are bad.

I think, on top of all of this, I miss my family and my friends, back home. Usually, I don't go this long without seeing them. This might be the first time since I moved away, that I've gone nine months without going home to visit. And, this year, my mom's coming here for Christmas. I'm excited and happy about it, but it means I don't get to see my best friends this year. I still can't believe it. I feel like we are drifting further and further apart, and eventually we will only talk once or twice a year, send birthday and Christmas cards... I so don't want that to happen. I feel like I should try harder. I don't know what to do.

Okay, my pity party is over. I have to go get ready for work. Happy Thursday?