I guess this constitutes as my Tuesday Truth post. It's definitely true that I'm feeling this way.
The roller coaster ride of emotions that is – deciding when to have another baby.
My husband and I always knew we wanted to have two kids. It was something we talked about before we were even engaged. He is one of two kids and I am one of three. Being the youngest of 3 wasn’t always fun growing up, especially since my sister is seven years older than me, and my brother is three years older. Paul and his sister are about three years apart, but have always been close since it was just the two of them.
Two seemed like the right number for us and I always wanted them close together. Well, it took *sixteen* months for my cycle to return after Noah was born (thanks, extending breastfeeding). It’s still not regular, either. So, now it’s looking like Noah will about about two and a half years old when we welcome a new baby (if it happens when we are hoping, in a couple months).
I can’t wait to be pregnant again. I loved being pregnant, even right up until I was overdue. I loved growing my baby – the morning (all day) sickness was well worth it. I had an amazing birth experience, and I’m so looking forward to doing it again.
But here’s the thing – I worry so much about how a new baby will affect Noah and our family of three. I know this is a normal concern (right?) but I keep wondering… will Noah’s feeling for me change? Will I feel the same way towards new baby that I did towards Noah when he was born? Will I feel differently about Noah? And all these feelings make me take a step back and really think how lucky we are to have such an awesome kid… and why would we change that?
I’m also constantly worrying about the age gap between Noah and potential new baby. I always thought I’d have two much closer together. Now I’m convinced that 2.5 years is a good gap, but what if Noah is right smack in the middle of the “terrible twos”? What if he’s not consistently sleeping through the night? How will I handle a two and half year old and a new born all day, by myself? I have so many questions.
But of course I know that it will work out the way it’s supposed to – it always does for us. I cannot help but feel like this decision is just *too* big. How am I supposed to know if I'm doing the right thing?
If anyone feels like weighing in on my feelings/thoughts here, please leave me a comment (experience, etc).