Wash away the pain, and give me back control.

I never thought I was a jealous person. I am usually pretty good at congratulating, and being happy for other people, whatever the circumstance. I have always been happy with what I have/don't have. I don't consider myself very materialistic, either. I like to have nice things, but they are not important in the grand scheme of things. I am generally glad to be happy and healthy. I have an amazing husband, good friends and loving family. I am very blessed.

But today, I feel the exact opposite of those things. I am having a hard time being happy for people, who have what I don't have. I feel like snapping over the smallest of things. I really only want one thing right now and lots of people I know are blessed with it - but not me. I'm feeling sorry for myself and I hate this feeling. I would love to just go back to bed for the day, hopefully wake up tomorrow with a better perspective. But, of course, I have to go to work in half an hour.

Paul got a new phone this morning - the new Blackberry Torch. He's wanted it since he heard about it months ago, and it was actually all he wanted for his birthday. I'm happy that he's happy with it. But I'm jealous that he has a new, shiny phone. My Blackberry is still "new", I've only had it a few months. I love my phone. But out of nowhere, now I have this feeling of wanting a new phone? I don't get it. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to be that kind of person.

Now, I'm in a bad mood. I tried to change this by taking the dogs for a walk, but since I haven't been walking them every day recently, they didn't behave very well, which put me in a worse mood. I know it's my fault for not walking them every day, and I plan on changing that starting today. At least they are tired out now, and snoozing on the couch. At least they can always make me smile, even when they are bad.

I think, on top of all of this, I miss my family and my friends, back home. Usually, I don't go this long without seeing them. This might be the first time since I moved away, that I've gone nine months without going home to visit. And, this year, my mom's coming here for Christmas. I'm excited and happy about it, but it means I don't get to see my best friends this year. I still can't believe it. I feel like we are drifting further and further apart, and eventually we will only talk once or twice a year, send birthday and Christmas cards... I so don't want that to happen. I feel like I should try harder. I don't know what to do.

Okay, my pity party is over. I have to go get ready for work. Happy Thursday?

In a crooked little town, I was lost and never found.

I've been a busy bee today. While I woke up exhausted, after a good seven hours of sleep, I wanted to go back to bed after Paul left for work. But I also wanted to clean the house, make muffins and make lunch all before I have to go to work at four. So, I forced myself to get moving, instead of laying down on the couch. I'm glad I did.

In the last two hours, I've cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the whole main floor of the house, made delicous Zucchini chocolate chip muffins, made Zucchini bread treats for the pups, and tided up the living room. Now I'm making lunch (veggie burger) and then I'll have a shower before I head off to work. Whew.

Last night, we went over to Paul's parents' house after work. Paul's mom ordered me a new (second) Kitchenaid Stand mixer bowl, through her work, well over a month ago. It was supposed to take one week to be in, but finally yesterday it arrived! Now I have two bowls, so I can do the cupcake batter and then the icing without having to empty and wash the bowl in between! This makes me so happy.

This weekend is going to be nice and relaxing. We don't have any plans, other than watching a movie with friends tonight, and having a bbq at Paul's parents' house either Saturday or Sunday night. I'm going to make a big fancy cake, for his mom's birthday, which was yesterday. I'm super excited!

I'll stay here, as long as it takes.

So, first, an update. On my last post (which was, I know, too long ago), I talked about a cake a made, for an order. It was for a birthday, and Paul took it to work and gave it to the person last Friday. The party was the Saturday, and I had to wait until Tuesday to find out what they thought! Anyway, they loved the cake and even told Paul they want me to do a cake/cupcakes for their daughter's wedding/wedding shower next Spring. How exciting!

Secondly, I decided to branch out a bit from the Cupcake World this weekend. I made a couple batches of soup last weekend - Butternut Squash and Red Pepper tomatoe. They were both delicious. Today I decided to try my hand at making muffins. My first batch turned out great, and really tasty. I made Oatmeal chocolate chip. They didn't rise as much as I would have hoped, but still they were really good. Then, since we got a bunch of fruit from the market on Saturday, I made Apple Cinnamon Crumble. Paul tried one and really liked them; I'm not a big fan of apples so I didn't try one. He'll eat them for breakfast this week.

Here they are:



THEN, I went one step too far. I decided to try Mixed Berry muffins. I'm pretty sure the recipe I got online just sucked (or maybe I did something terribly wrong), but they came out horrible. They didn't rise... actually, they sunk in a bit. They are super small and chewy. Paul ate one, but I threw out the rest.

Round two of the Mixed Berry Muffins, with a new, better recipe, turned out pretty good, and really tasty.



Next time, I won't put them in the liners, because they stuck to them a bit. But otherwise I'm happy with them and I'll make them again.

No cupcakes this weekend, which is fairly strange for me. I've been baking cupcakes every weekend for months. But when I get home from work tomorrow, I'll be baking at least 80 mini cupcakes and a Red Velvet cake, so I'll be busy enough then.

ON another note, we had a super busy weekend. Yesterday (as I already mentioned) we went to the market and I got lots of fruits and veggies. Then we had some friends over for a movie in the evening. Today, we got up early and headed to a big dog party to raise money for the Humane Society. It was an off-leash area at a Water Park - the dogs got to play and swim in the wave pool. After that, we picked up lunch and headed home to get ready for our Trash the Dress photo shoot. I won't say much more than that, as the pictures will explain it all. I hope we get them back soon!

We've been home since about 7pm, and I've made dinner (veggie burger for me, chicken burger for Paul, and homemade sweet potato fries), did two loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen, had a shower and gotten groceries (from across the street). I'm now exhausted and finally sitting down, for what feels like the first time today!

And, to end this already-all-over-the-place post, here are some cute pictures I just took of my pups and husband - the loves of my life.

Open up your mind, and see like me.

I'm feeling a bit anxious today, and I'm not sure why. It might have to do with the fact that I sent a cake with Paul to work today, that I made yesterday. It was a two layer white cake with choclate frosting. It turned out looking pretty good, in appearance. I'm just a bit nervous as to how it will taste and look once it's cut into and all that. I've gotten pretty good at cupcakes and I don't generally doubt my abilities there. But for some reason I feel worried about the quality of the cake. Oh well, it's done now. I hope I get good feedback!

Here's the cake, as well as some recent cupcakes I've made:







Paul and I also started eating healthy and working out a few times a week, to start. We bought an Ab Lounge 2, which we've been using daily.



Yes, it lives in our living room and it's annoying huge, but if we put it downstairs we would probably hardly ever use it.

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I'm really excited to get a much-needed haircut tomorrow morning, and then relax the rest of the weekend. We will probaby spend time with friends and do the usual errands and such. I also want to make it to the dog park this weekend so the dogs can run and play, now that the weather has cooled down a bit. I love this time of year most, even though I'm not ready for summer to be over. I love wearing jeans and hoodies and not sweating my butt off all the time.

Now I'm off to eat lunch, walk the dogs, then head to work. Happy Friday (and weekend) everyone!

Happy birthday!

To my amazing, awesome, handsome, loving husband! Today, he is 25 years old. Last weekend, we (me, his best friends and his parents) threw him a surprise party. He had no idea and he was super surprised! It was a beautiful day and an awesome party with all of our friends. Paul loved it. I didn't bring a camera because I didn't want Paul to question why I was bringing a camera to a regular BBQ at his best friend's place. I will post some pictures as soon as I get my hands on some.

Tonight, I have to work late, but I'm off all weekend. We are going out for dinner with his parents on Sunday, and tomorrow we're going to have a quiet day of running errands and doing whatever Paul wants, since it's his birthday weekend.

I was incredibly tired when I woke up this morning. Paul was rushing around, saying he had to leave for work in five minutes. I was confused. After he was gone, I decided to stay awake, even though I wanted to go back to bed. I decided to make coffee, even though last time I made coffee it tasted really funny. Then I realized that we've had the coffee make since last September-ish, and I've never ran the self-clean. Wow. I cleaned it and ran it through with vinegar and water then just water, and now the coffee tastes so good again! Who would have thought?

Then, I decided to make today a productive day. After my coffee, I was more awake. I emptied the dishwasher, even though that's Paul's job. It's his birthday so I gave him the day off, haha. Then I changed the cat litter, vacuumed the basement, brought up the laundry from yesterday and did a complete cleaning of our bedroom. I feel really good about everything I got done - and it was all thanks to the coffee!

I have to leave for work in an hour, so I think I'll go relax and watch TV for a bit. Have a great weekend everyone!